ambitions i hold

started ;; 10/24/2024 - 4:15pm - CST

finished ;; 10/24/2024 - 4:30pm - CST

do you guys remember that friend i talked about in my last entry? well i dont want to go into specifics, but the whole situation panned out a lot better than i expected it to. we are actually talking and playing games together again, which is nice considering he was the only person i played any games with.

i also got my license today, so i felt like today was the perfect day to update my public journal. its crazy how almost three years ago i wouldnt leave my bedroom for weeks on end, only to go to the bathroom really. and now ive finally gotten my license, worked shitty jobs, made friends, reconnected with ones i isolated myself from, and finally found a purpose; even if its small. i never thought i would be here today, actually talking positively about my life and maybe the future. i know its the bare minimum to be able to do half of the shit i struggle with, but im doing my best with what i was dealt and i came out a bigger person.

one thing i am disappointed in myself with is how im dealing with my current relationship. i value my privacy so i wont go into too much detail, but ive felt pretty guilty about my behavior and his lately. i know i need to make a choice for myself and my mental health, but obviously its hard for me. i know i can get to that point but its not any easier for me when i love someone this much. this goes for all my friendships and past relationships really. i have a problem with attaching myself at their hip, which is great when they need me but everyone needs space, time to reflect, and be their own person. including me.

anyways, i guess another thing new in my life is that ive started ear stretching again, on top of planning for my next tattoo. i started stretching in highschool and stopped at around 0g (8mm). a few weeks ago i picked it back up and now im at 1/2 inch (12mm). my goal so far is 1 inch, and i think thats the biggest ill ever go. any bigger than that is too much for me to comprehend right now, but we shall see!!!

on that note, im so proud of myself for making real improvements for my mental health. maybe ill use this opprutunity to finally sign up for a gym membership and take better care of myself. i hope that this is the start of a new beginning for me, even if its small.