i dont write often but i try to, at least offline.
why is it that i do write? i dont have anything to write about but here we are; and here you are. ive suffered from depression for awhile and it seems like it wont really ever end. i havent found the motivation to write to you, let alone to myself or anybody else. but one thing i have had on my mind was where im going to be in the future. where will life take me? will i end up being a forensic scientist like my younger self wanted? probably not. will i work with animals like i currently aspire to? probably. ive already finished the first year of my studies, but whats next? more classes of course...
i think its dumb to assume where ill be in the future, just makes me more anxious about my life than i already am. you ever feel like youll never be enough even for yourself? i dont know. i know im the only one reading these but hopefully ill put more entries in them, just so at least i could look back and reflect on who i used to be. maybe ill even humor adding old entries from previous diaries in here. but whats the point of that? i wanna start anew and this is the first step: letting go of the past.
i suppose thats what we all have to work on. moving on. like this situation i had with a friend of mine. i dont wanna get into specifics but we had a disagreement and i said how i felt, just like he did. only he didnt respond to me, which turned into ignoring me for a whole month. but yet we keep snapchat streaks. i should just let go of that, nothing good ever comes out of friendships like this. playing games and not saying anything to eachother. i mean i tried to say something, about 5 seperate times now and he has ignored every gesture, so its really just one-sided mind games at this point. either way, i gotta move on. its not worth crying about it (like i already have) and its time for me to grow up. why is this happening at our grown ass ages? he is a year older than me, not that it matters really, but he should know better.
anyways, just to end things off, ill show you a song i discovered recently. cant tell if the artist is russian or japanese, i cant tell what he is at all. but his music is pretty good lol.